


A Promotion, In Two Parts

by shoujokakumei



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Eye Trauma, Gen, Graphic Description of Corpses, Humor, Mentions of sex work, No beta we die like archival assistants, Not graphic but yaknow, Recreational Drug Use, Sfw otherwise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28048725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shoujokakumei/pseuds/shoujokakumei
Summary: Elias gets called to James Wright's office. What happens next will suprise you!
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Wright?" Elias was using the old oak door as a shield, just barely peeking into the room. James Wright sat with the back of his chair to him.

He was so high. He had messed up the dosage with the butter and it was Rosie, sweet innocent Rosie's birthday and she deserved to relax and oh god he was SO fired he HAD to know.

The chair creaked ominously as it turned, and James gazed at him with uncharacteristically kind eyes. "Elias, come, sit down. I don't bite," he laughed here. Elias tentatively followed suit, slipping into the room while the door clicked shut behind him. Slinking into the uncomfortable chair he kept his eyes firmly glued to the ground. The combination of the oversized portrait of Johan Magnus and Mr. Wright's eyes on him was almost too much to bear. He was sweating.

This is it, Elias, he thought to himself, your final fuckup, you only have 2 months of rent and the economy is in shambles and you'll never find another job and you'll get kicked out and lose all your friends and-

"Now, Elias, you're a spry young man, so you may not have realized this yet, but there comes a time when one realizes he can't keep going forever," James chuckled. Elias just nodded, still staring furiously at the yellowing plastic of the carpet protector under the antique desk. For being an office it sure did smell like a hospital, all bleach-clean. "And with that realization he must begin searching for replacements. Someone to carry on his legacy, and as you know I've never had a wife or children for that matter-"

Wait shit, Elias thought drowning out James as he droned on, you're not getting fired he's asking you to-

"That's very kind of you Mr. Wright but I'm really not looking for that kind of thing right now, I mean yeah i live with a roommate but it's his mum's place and she lets us do whatever we like as long as we're out of the house on Thursday nights for her bridge tourneys and those always end by eight thirty because they're all-"

"Elias, what does that-"

"And sure I thought about it in uni and everyone knows everyone who gets hired here is pretty flaming and you're definitely handsome in that silver fox way but-"

"Mr. Bouchard, do you think I'm propositioning you sexually?" James is staring at him now, face a mask of concern.

"Er, yes?" Elias looked up and then back down very quickly, folding and unfolding his hands in his lap, "I mean I did but I guess not now?"

"No," he sighs, rubbing a hand down his face, "I'm promoting you into my position, I need you to sign a few forms and-"

"Oh." Elias thought for a second, about the responsibilities of running an academic institution, especially one with known funding issues and an even worse reputation. "Thank you but no thank you, I like where I am now…"

James sighed again, and Elias could've sworn the portrait rolled it's eyes. He stood slowly, and walked over to Elias, placing a gentle, almost fatherly hand on his shoulder. 

"Elias, I'm so sorry. But you really don't have a choice."

The last thing he noticed, as Jonah Magnus skillfully thrust his thumb past his tear duct, was that the portrait's eyes are closed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bang energy drink wouldn't do shit to a victorian child they got crossfaded for allergies

Jonah Magnus used to frequent opium dens.

A fine pastime for men of his status, and for him the worry of such an expensive addiction was little, what with his connection with the Eye. He fed the watcher, and it fed him, and he had little worries for the wants of the body.

Still, once, in 1903 he had overindulged and swore to never visit such a wretched institution again.

That was the last time he had been this high.

Now, with the adrenaline wearing off as he put Elias's other eyeball into James' head, he realized he would not be able to hide a body in this state. Sure Barnabas fit quite nicely in the safe, but he was already decomposed. Even chopped up Wright wouldn't fit there and he couldn't heft the corpse up into the ceiling tiles and--

The phone. His eyes landed on the phone and his salvation. Wright had worked a stressful job for a long time, dropping dead wouldn't surprise anyone, just some quick signatures on the paper and extension 247.

"Hello Mr. Wright! This is Michael in the archives, Ms. Robinson's taking a statement right now but--"

"James is dead!!!" The sob catches in Elias's throat easily. The realism is good, but isn't it a little tacky to jump in like that? From his history he wasn't an actor where did that even come from oh wait the new hire was talking again.

"-as what are you doing in his office? Why didn't you call 999 first? Are you crazy? Are you sure he's dead?"

He sniffled. Best to go along with the good acting. This was like learning to drive and immediately getting on a racetrack but he could handle it. "I-I got called to the office and i thought I was gonna get fired but h-he wanted me to take his job and now he's on the floor and!"

"Ok, ok, I'll be up with Ms. Harvey, just stay right there- Ms. Law, call-" the receiver clicked, and Jonah slumped against his desk, looking at James' corpse. He wiped the sweat from his face and oh no that wasn't sweat that was blood.

By the time Emma opened the door and Michael refreshed his three month running forehead bruise on the doorframe (hah, that's what he gets for being tall would've never hired him if he didn't practically drip trauma and spiral) Elias's mouth is full of blood soaked tissues. Never a great way to be reintroduced to having a young sense of taste but he could wash the taste out later; now it was time to make an alibi.

Emma was looking at him expectantly, meanwhile Michael was already doling out useless chest compressions to some tasteless disco song. Jonah took her offered hand, swallowing what he could while trying to subtly hide the rest in a way so he could still talk. He could wait for her to ask the questions. It was good, actually, that it was Emma and not Gertrude. She was similarly competent but couldn't compel him, he could get by with lying through his teeth and her webs weren't thickly spun here. Nothing to experiment with.

She offered his hand to help him up. "So how'd someone who's been a filing clerk for five years-Michael stop humming you're trying to save someone's life."

"Sorry Ms. Harvey I don't know how to time it otherwise, I don't think I'm doing much; he's already cold."

"Count normally, you're not dead till you're warm and dead and all that." Emma turned her attention back to Elias. "Why did he promote you."

Oh. Maybe placing bets on a spider wasn't the best idea. She was intense and he couldn't do much but swallow more tissue and turn the choking on it into another sobbing fit.

Emma backed off a little, annoyed. It was bad enough getting shuffled onto babysitting duty with Michael, as promising as her project with him was, now she had to watch a filing clerk fling himself into a bad trip all because he saw a corpse. "Nevermind," she said, grabbing the paperwork off the desk, "it all looks real. Very convenient for you."

Jonah, who had now been standing for all of a minute, just swayed in place. His body felt like a bunch of pudding in a bag, which was not normal during an exchange, and he wanted nothing more than to just flop down again. He finally processed what she had said over Michael's repeated thirties. "He… he congratulated me, and then just. Dropped. I don't-"

With Gertrude and the paramedics entering at the same time, it was an easy enough gamble to make. He let his new legs give out like they'd been begging to since Emma pulled him up, and after a quick confirmation that he was fine he was blessedly ignored.

A few hours later, after the hearse had left and James Wright's death was officially declared a random aneurysm, Jonah Magnus stood outside the institute doors, breathing in the cool night air.

And he realized one last thing.

He had no idea how to get to Elias's house on foot and the keys to his car were now in the morgue.


End file.
